#16: Sing Out, Louise, or Being Public and Other Dilemmas

Today's request is for a public life.

Some interesting things have been happening as a result of this blog. For one thing, people are starting to read it. For another, they're starting to tell me what they think. And some of my co-workers are now aware of a part of my life I've kept private up until now, such as, for example, my clitoris.

(All I can say to that, dear co-workers, is that I've known and worked with some people who've made me MUCH too aware of their privates from the get-go, so be thankful and then put it out of your mind. I'll come up with a synonym. My "unicorn" perhaps?)

One of the great things about writing is the illusion that you're engaging in some kind of dialogue with the collective unconcious without the collective unconcious actualy saying anything back to you. Praise is great; opinion, critique, and the sense that I'm appearing in someone else's dream without my clothes on, not so much.

But that is the difference between living out in the yard, in the park, on the street, way up high on the mountain -- and under your bed, in your house, with the windows shuttered, locked and painted over.

I'm having trouble right now with writing every day when there are responses, which is riduculous, because I could just pick up a paper journal, they are typically pretty quiet. So I'm forging ahead.

I'm going to allow comments here for now because I do find it helpful and interesting, and because I do believe everyone has a right to express what they think. Unless what they think is that I belong in hell, or spam for a porn site, in which case they have no rights at all accoring to the Me States Constitution.

I am going to maintain a fourth wall however if I get an opinion on what I should or shouldn't be doing or feeling, because without the fourth wall, I can't keep writing this. I'm feeling very overwhelmed at the moment.

But back to the request -- to be comfortable showing whatever parts of myself I choose to whomever I choose to show them to. To not live in a segmented way. To not act so happy if I don't feel like it. To not be worried about seeming too happy. To be unconcerned with other people's responses, because that's what I'm usually trying to avoid. Integration, I guess.

One more thing. It occurs to me that nearly everything I've been asking for is for me. Well, at the moment, I'm trying to get my own house in order to go do some great things. I think change in the world starts with the individual. I've seen some little bits of evidence of that, and it's thrilling. However, I do plan at some point to ask you all to close your eyes and wish real hard for big changes in the world and see what happens.

Maybe we can start by conjuring a unicorn. And by unicorn, I mean unicorn.

Until Tuesday -- have a nice vacation.