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I have been getting headhunted. Terrible word for that -- I prefer the phrase my mother's company uses, executive recruiting, so civilized.

But it feels right now like they're coming for my head. Companies finding me and calling me and saying "So, you've been working by yourself with success for seven years. Come work for us! Sit in that cube! We want your head!"

And I'm talking to them. But in the end I know the life I want, and it's one where stars pour out of my chest and I see miracles in the real world and I have time to hold my friends hands and have mine held. It's one where real things are said and real problems are solved and pain is acknowledged and not drowned in the b.s. of happy hours and I am living my responsibility as a parent to help my son be whole and sane and safe and loved. It's a life where creation and thoughts and ideas and kindness are valued. it's a life with loud music. And loud laughter.

I don't have that life all the time but I feel I can make my life that life on my terms. And put that out around me.

My son cried in my arms for twenty minutes last night over not having a bottle, just limp across my shoulder, and I thought, thank God you can cry on me. Thank God I feel safe to you. And then he went and sat on his dad's lap at dinner and ate about a cup of salad and then I thought thank God you're eating lettuce and you think that's fun. And then he happily toddled off and put his train tracks together by himself and said "Look look! I did it!" And then he told me about all the friends he'd seen that day and what color their shoes were. And just about everything that comes into my head is thank God, thank God, thank God.

The world needs people who are centered, secure, happy. You get that by filling children up with love and not hurting them, abusing them, neglecting them. I want to somehow move toward aiding in that fight, I think it's the only fight. I don't know yet how to get there.

I'm staying right here.